Snake Charmer
by CelestiasFaithful
Summary: While enjoying some leisure time on the planet of Aladiena, The Doctor comes to face an old 'frienemy' in one of the most odd ways possible. (8th Doctor x Goosnake!/Roberts! Master) (based on some old fanart I found on Tumblr) (Rated T because I've never trusted myself with under-T ratings.)


**Hello, new readers, old fans of my work, and the random guests and user who will stumble upon this! :)**

**As most of you who are fans of my work, you should know I haven't posted any fics except for updating _Rise & Fall_ until it ended, and (still) updating _The Fear of Falling Apart_. Well, after roughly almost two years of no other content- that's about to change.**

**(story inspired by fanart of Eight dressed as a harem girl/snake charmer by tardiscrash on Tumblr)**

**I hope you enjoy this oneshot, and if you do- please leave a review! (This is my first time writing both Eight and Rosters!Master, so feedback on how I portrayed them is also greatly appreciated!)**

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_**Snake Charmer**_

In all fairness, The Doctor had deserved this leisure time for once.

He had lost his memory, and has been running around in America -in the state of California, to be exact- with no idea of _who_ he was, _where_ he was from, or _what_ he even was. He had been running around for days in a bloody _New Year's costume_, running around with a slowly-returning memory. Meanwhile, he had also been running from his foe, The Master, who had somehow risen -_quite literally_- like a phoenix from the ashes of his body, which he had for some reason entrusted The Doctor himself to return to Gallifrey. Somehow he had managed to posses a human's body, and _somehow_ managed to also add some odd touches that weren't even vaguely human _or_ Time Lord. His black-slit pupils with his large, toxic-waste green eyes looked like someone had cracked open a glowstick and put some drops onto his contacts, and the blue mind-control venom that _magically_ spewed from his mouth? Don't even mention that to him- it was completely _ridiculous_.

But all of that nonsense was behind The Doctor now. He was currently inhabiting the notably-peaceful planet of Aladiena, which reminded him very much of his travels to Earth in previous generations, in which he traveled to the Middle East in ancient times on quite a few trips. Oh, and and it also reminded him of that one Earth film...the animated one about the thief becoming a prince..._damn_, he couldn't even remember the name. Must have been one of the Earth films he had seen in his first few lives. But yes, the planet was very influenced by ancient Middle-Eastern culture, even without knowing it. This was especially so when it came to The Doctor's trade while he was staying there. Instead of some almighty god-amongst men title that he tried to avoid, yet was _always_ thrown upon him- The Doctor was a simple street performer. Quite an amazing snake charmer, due to the odd habits of the legless reptiles -of Earth origin- that inhabited Aladiena, but a street-performer who lived off his donations from passers-by nonetheless. Finally, he had saved up enough of the shiny gold Aladienian coins to purchase a new snake to train, paying for one that came with it's own basket to live in, the merchant looking quite fatigued at him as he eagerly bought it, as if he knew something bad was_ bound_ to happen. Despite his weary glances, The Doctor eagerly took the snake to the hiding spot of the TARDIS, which was hidden under a ratty old blanket, which hid most of it's bright blue color in the earth-tone streets of the city. He quickly changes from his jewel-tone emerald outfit into a brighter more performance-appropriate to show off himself, along with his new snake. The color of his outfit consisted of a pink-orange set of see-through harem pants and mask, which went from his mouth, and down to his chest. Underneath his pants were a somewhat modern-style pair of pants, basically tight-fitting boxers, which were a cross between strawberry pink and ruby red. He also wore what appeared to be an ancient Arabian-style shirt that appeared to be a cross between a tube-top and a dickie, which came down an inch or two before his belly button, and was also of the same color as his pants. After putting an array of gold bands up and down his arms and around his wrists, he headed out to amaze the people walking among the city streets with his abilities.

By the time he had made his way to his usual performing spot, the usual onlookers had noticed him, and circled around his spot. After gathering a good-sized crowd of wide-eyed Aladienians, he began his show. Now, he knew that snake charming was quite a daunting task practically anywhere else in the galaxy, but from his previous experiences, the snakes on Aladiena were shockingly docile compared to the original snakes from Earth, and even trained as easily as a dog. The Doctor gracefully opened the tall basket, putting his hand in as he face the crowd, groping around blindly to feel the snake's body, finding its neck area and stroking it, allowing it to follow his hand upwards. The crowd gave an array of 'oohs' as the snake almost seemed to levitate out of the basket, The Doctor finally looked up to meet the snake's eyes to finally see what most of the 'oohs' and 'ahhs' were about. The new snake as a King Cobra. A large one, at that- it was oddly long and oddly thick for being bought from a merchant for a bag filled of gold coins. Its body was a silvery white, its scales appearing to be practically pearlescent as it began to slither onto his hand and over his bracelets. As it began to slither harmlessly up his arm, The Doctor suddenly hear a sneer of a familiar American accent in his head.

_Oh, finally! I can see the damn sun for once!_

The Doctor's eyes went wide, realizing what was happening. It had been lives ago when it had last occurred. He was in close quarters with another Time Lord- the two of them were accidentally using their natural telepathic link. He quickly came up with a reply, wanting to know if it was a friend or foe.

_Who is this?_

He mentally cursed himself as he kept his outwards expression focused, his eyes on the snake. It was a telepathic link, not a wrong number on a mobile telephone. He sounded like a scared child asking 'who is this?', and he was anything _but_ a scared child at this point in his life.

_I should be asking you the same thing._

The Doctor mentally rolled his eyes as the snake's head reached his shoulder, perching there in a neatly-wrapped pile as people clapped. As they applauded, the snake raised his head, nudging against the Time Lord's temple.

_Well, well, well...we meet again, **Doctor.**_

The voice resounded in an eerie echo through his head as The Doctor finally made the connection about exactly who and where this other Time Lord was.

_I would say it's nice to see you, but all I currently see is a big, fat **snake.**_

_Oh, save your jokes, Theta!_ The Master growled inside his head, making The Doctor reminisce at how they both used to call each other by their real names when they wanted to piss the other off, or were extremely pissed off themselves. _Yes, I'm a snake- and it's fucking humiliating, okay?! I said it!_

_And how'd that happen, exactly? Last time I checked, you were a rotting corpse in the Eye of Harmony._ The Doctor scoffed, while he improvised with his act, pretending that all was right in the world, and the cobra slithering from his left shoulder to his right definitely _wasn't_ his arch enemy who had _yet again_ returned from the dead. Luckily, since both of them had the same fast-paced Time Lord brain, their conversations took a matter of milliseconds for each person's -or, in this case, _snake's_- turn to speak.

_It's a long story...but, that's not the reason I'm here._

_Well, the reason you're here is because I bought you in a basket from a merchant. Speaking of which- I'd like to know how **that** happened, too._ He teased, a smirk coming to his face under his brightly-colored mask.

_**Gah!** You're impossible, Theta Sigma! I should have never thought you'd listen to me-_

_Listen to you? About what?! You haven't even mentioned anything!_

_I was **getting to that!**_

_Fine, fine. What do you need, almighty sparkly snake?_

_I'd bite you right here, right now...if it wasn't for the high blood pressure I'd receive from rearing my upper body. I've already got enough of that from **you**. But nevermind that._

As they were still in mid-conversation, The Doctor had finished his act, bowing quickly as he had the cobra wrapped around his arm harmlessly like an extra-long, living bracelet. As soon as his audience went to do other errands around the city, he took the snake-basket -now filled with countless tips from his performance- under his arm, walking back to the TARDIS as they kept their telepathic conversation.

_- I need you, Doctor. Well, in simplest terms -I can't believe I'm saying this..- but I need...help._

He nearly dropped the basket in response to his pitiful plea for help, about to form a long mental lecture about not helping him with his evil schemes.

_I know what you're thinking. And no, you're not correct. I'm not asking for your help to conquer any planets, or do anything of that sort. What I'm asking for is protection._

The Doctor was silent, refusing to believe what The Master was saying.

_I'm a snake, Doctor. Do you think I'm an all-powerful Time Lord when I'm like this? Do you think it was all part of my long, detailed plan to be the snake you bought in that basket? Surprisingly, no. I was captured and put in that thing. Except for you being able to talk through telepathy with me, I'd be just an odd-colored snake to the universe. I need someone to protect me. I need somewhere warm to go to when I get cold...because, you should know- being cold is a death sentence for me. I need some place where I can be safe, and maybe not just fight for my life 24/7._

By the time his speech had ended, The Doctor had reached the TARDIS, the cobra in a pitiful pile in his hands as he stood in the doorway, facing outwards- deciding whether to care for him, or leave him to fend for himself.

"Welcome aboard, Koschei." He sighed, only to end up giving a smile as he shut the TARDIS doors.

A chuckle filled his mind, the closest he'd ever truly come to hearing The Master expressing pure joy. He let him slither onto the covers of his bed as he went to go change.

_On another subject- what's with that outfit? Were you going to be a male prostitute, and you chose snake charmer last minute?_ he chuckled, stifling an all-out laugh.

_Oh, shut up._ He rolled his eyes, taking off his bracelets and his mask. _You know this is how snake-charmers dress on this planet._

_Oh, really? Are you **sure**?- because your ass is practically **bursting** out of that sad excuse for underwear...or pants. Whatever the hell it is._

Suddenly, the exact item on clothing they were arguing over went flying through the air, and right onto the head of the cobra. The Doctor quickly changed into a pair of simple, casual pajamas as the snake thrashed back and forth, in effort to escape the fabric that had been thrown onto him. Finally, after a drawn-out battle, the king cobra that was The Master sluggishly slithered up onto The Doctor's chest, his head rearing up so he was right near his mouth, his forked tongue flicking out to touch the Time Lord's lips. He then coiled up in a bunch on his chest.

_Goodnight, Theta._

The Doctor smiled, thinking of all the times they had been so friendly. All of them were from their childhood- or even their adolescent days at the Academy, but none of them were recent: until now. Until The Master had practically kissed him- on the lips.

Be blushed, stoking the head of the snake affectionately.

_Goodnight, Koschei._


End file.
